no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
