Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
