using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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