i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My feet surprised me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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