well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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