her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
