Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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