My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
