We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
