She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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