HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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