Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
