my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
