Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
