its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
