Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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