just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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