i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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