I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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