dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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