Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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