and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
