Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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