shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
