Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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