Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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