Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
