I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
