dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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