her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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