there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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