do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
