so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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