I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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