I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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