Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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