Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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