I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
