FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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