when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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