he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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