New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
