Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
