I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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