Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
