I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
