It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
