My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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