i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
