jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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