Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
