i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize