I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
