yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
