hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
