Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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