Only a mothe r could love this liver
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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