I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I won the penis lottery.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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