The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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