You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So here I am, sexting at work.
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