One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
