Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
