the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This baby is an asshole
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
