They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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