the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
