if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
as a side note pls kill me
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