I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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