i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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