You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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